try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
