dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
