So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
