Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I understand Curling. That high.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
