I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
