...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
vagina is talking i cant
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
