Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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