Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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