hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
