Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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