dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
