I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
