Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
