sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
