I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
