please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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