Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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