I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
