I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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