the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
