i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
