i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
