OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need a beard to bite.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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