i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
