cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
