lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
