She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
