This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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