peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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