guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
