I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
