someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize