Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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