I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
