He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
