Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
