I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
