So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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