I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
