Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
