Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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