There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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