The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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