So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
