i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
