Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
