My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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