dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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