im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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