Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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