Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
