Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You've changed since you got that strap on
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
