I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
