PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just cropdusted the office
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
