You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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