my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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