he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
