Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
