At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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