So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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