Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
