someone get that fucking seahorse.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
