you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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