we have pet lesbian snakes
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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