too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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