you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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