I swear she didn't look like that last week.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
