We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Houston, we have a squirter
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
