it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
