dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
