I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sex in the backyard? Check.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
